One of Divine Alchemy’s premier offerings is Sacred Relationship Counselling by both a female and male counsellor. What this will look like for couples will be as unique as the people who seek this guidance. Sex and intimacy might be topics that you might shy away from but we will not! Yet will be sensitive as together we navigate these challenging waters. As the David Deida, the author of Finding God Through Sex: Awakening The One Of Spirit Through The Two Of Flesh, says is true for most of us, sex has been a dark corner where we hide our “embarrassing secrets and forbidden dreams” (p. 5) rather than a devotion of the flesh to the Divine and an expression of love from the core of our being. Past sexual experiences, whether traumatic or those that have left much to be desired, and childhood experiences, such as neglect, cause us to either shrink or act out in our sexuality.
Yet we do not need to be fully healed from our childhood or sexual trauma to experience deep states of bliss and union through the divine. With the practices detailed in Deida’s approach, sex becomes an erotic act of devotional surrender where our love making becomes an offering and all our unhealed parts can either come up to be healed one at a time or even put to the side, whereby through your fumbling beginner efforts and the grace of Divine, you can experience sublime bliss that you thought was only afforded to the most devoted yogi meditators.
The subtitle of the book lets the potential reader know who his intended audience is. Many of my clients know that a niche area of my counselling has been to individuals in polyamorous or exploring the idea of been in a poly or other consensual non-monogamous relationship. Yet, to date, my experiential knowledge of how to be in a sacred intimate relationship has been greatly influenced by this book, which is written for dyads. Like with everything else, it is a professional counsellor’s ethical obligation to serve with the boundaries of one’s capability. I look forward to the day of widening the scope to other sacred relationship arrangements. For now, if you will, continue with us on this exploration of how The One Spirit – or God – that is within us can be awakened through the flesh of two.
Returning to the notion that skeletons of our past linger in our bedsheets, we invite you to consider that all of the darkness is actually welcomed beauty to the sexual encounter. Not only is all of it possible to be healed through a loving sexual relationship and other supportive personal work, the shadow pieces can be alchemized – the potent energy of a past sexual assault, for example, can be called up and transmuted into intense pleasure for both partners. For those uninitiated into the powers of tantra and sexual alchemy and those whose bodies responded to sexual abuse by shutting down, dissociating, or creating associations with sex and pleasure with guilt, shame, disgust, or vaginal pain, may quite rightly feel a strong visceral reaction to this concept. Yet, the same magical aspects of our bodies that created these mechanisms in the first place can be utilized to alter our future responses. Remember that when you expand our energy to Oneness with All That Is through lovemaking, you are no longer limited to your previous strategies of self-protection. As you follow the guidance of the wisdom of your body and flow with its pace of opening, the mind may follow to open to possibilities, such as erotizing a time when you were powerless as a means of reclaiming your sexual power.
Another example from past experiences playing out one’s current sexuality might be caregiver neglect. A child will bid for a parent’s attention for some time – they need to be seen and heard. But eventually, if the parent is not capable of being present or nurturing, the child will likely follow a pattern of alternating between shutting down and demanding attention. As an adult, the person might demand sex. If this is coupled with someone who has experiences as mentioned earlier, when sex was not consensual, the bids for sex can be a perfect storm for intimacy breakdown.
While recreations of our past sexual or caregiver experiences are highly triggering, if we believe that we are in a sacred relationship where tensions between partners are seen as serving a divine purpose in helping one become more conscious of what is behind our reactions and resistances and seek healing from past events that are still affecting them. Yet full healing is not a prerequisite to start experiencing higher states of consciousness and bliss through sex. Enraptured by the depth of your and your lover’s own hearts, “the history of your emotional and sexual pain, desire, and resistance becomes irrelevant” (p.5). Contact us to see if you and your partner are a good fit for a sacred container to explore boundless depth and fullness of sexual experience.